The general view is that happiness is an expression of times spent with others; of special occassion get togethers and parties. There is a tendency to view being alone on holidays or birthdays as taboo. As a result, a person choosing to spend these moments alone may be sympathised by others.
I remember when I was twenty first travelled to Europe alone. I didn’t mind sight seeing, shopping or sleeping alone. What I could not and still cannot tolerate is eating alone.Whenever I entered a restaurant I would look for some harmless old couple and asked them if I could join their table. If I have company when I eat I do not feel alone. I have since developed the habit of having dinner in front of the television. Most times I am oblivious to the programmes but find the sound coming from the set a comfort.This is akin to company and I do not feel alone.
Loneliness versus Aloneness
I am alone a lot of the time.I get up early each morning and go to the gym: shoot straight to the gallery and return home after nine in the evening. My children are generally out with their friends or glued to their computers. But I do not feel lonely. Not at all. I am just alone. I enjoy the solitude and my quiet moments. Many people suffer from loneliness even though they are surrounded with others. Whether you are in the the company of others or alone, the feeling of loneliness is a state of mind. To rise beyond this feeling requires renewed self esteem, strength and sense of self fulfillment.
As a single mother I am used to spending time on my own and am happy about it. There are times I enjoy attending friends’ parties but there are plenty of occasions where I choose to stay at home. I am quite happy snuggling up with a good book or working on my computer without a trace of self pity.
This is simple. Make your life as meaningful and as fulfilling as possible. Build up your self esteem. It can be a job, a hobby or a mission that takes up so much of your time and passion that all you want is to be alone whenever there is an opportunity. It is this passion that will take up a chunk of your time. Eighty percent meaningfully occupied – twenty percent alone.
Realistically,this will take time.Self-esteem can only be improved with personal commitment. You must learn to release guilt or regret,concentrate and focus on self-respect and learn to approve of yourself. Indulging in self-pity and denying yourself happiness is detrimental to the fight. You must feel good about yourself and enjoy your own company. This way you can combat feelings of loneliness which may invade your state of being. When Valentine’s Day is around the corner, do you worry about not receiving flowers? Are you concerned about having a candle lit dinner or attending a party? If your wife or husband show their love 364 days a year, should it matter if it is not demonstrated on this single day?
On this special day it is more important that you express love for yourself. Whether your are having a party, a romantic dinner, or curled up alone, be determined with yourself not to be lonely.